I spent the teen years of junior high and high school working hard to fit in, perform well in sports, snag decent grades, and curl my feathered hair into Heather Locklear waves (Hello 80's). Friends ruled ALL for me. Teachers, parents, and coaches were in the mix somewhere, but heaven forbid if I didn't have a posse. I needed girlfriends for sauntering around the hallways during lunch, entering the basketball game to find a bleacher seat, circling the mall looking for cute guys and hoping we were cute too, and taking multiple trips to the bathroom. I'm fortunate, I guess. I actually can say that I look back at those years and have a surprisingly large number of good memories despite the snake pit of hormonal teenagers corralled together in what we like to call high school.
But underneath that, sometimes I cringe when I remember the people I ignored in my quest to be with those in my "target" comfort zone. I have one clear memory of feeling elation at being invited to sit with a large table of girls who--at least in my estimation--were "it" girls. The tables scattered around our cafeteria were filled with laughing, teasing teens. Then I turned slightly to see three girls who were not considered "it" girls, sitting at a nearly-empty, silent table. Their eyes were down, faces sober. My gaze lingered for a moment, and I can still remember the question popping into my head, "What would happen if I walked over there and joined their table?" I quickly pushed this thought aside and turned away from them, uncomfortable observing their isolation and yet unwilling to jeopardize my status. Though I was not always this blatant, I continued looking for people in my comfort zone throughout college and even into my 20's, though I would have liked to think myself more evolved. I might have reached out externally to people--yes. But often there was an internal judgment occurring, of which I am not proud.
Then a curve ball came my way. I got married around 30--a pretty typical age for Chicago singles who enjoy their freedom, higher education, and careers. And then...I couldn't get pregnant. Slowly, everyone around me had one, then two. Still no baby. People became awkward and changed the topic of mothering when I came around. There's much more to that story, but the point here is this--many women in my target comfort zone became uncomfortable with ME. Oh. Huh. Ouch.
Curve ball again. Years later, I somehow managed to become pregnant with my first child. Fantastic! We were and continue to be thrilled with our little guy. And just as those I had known who had been having children for the last several years were returning to work and starting the soccer/baseball/music lessons/dance recital marathon of parenting school-age children, I decided to resign and stay home full-time.
Just for a little more challenge, my husband and I decided to pile on the additional layer of practically-annual moves from one community
to another. We were gypsies without a place to call our own--in our late thirties when everyone else was being responsible and paying mortgages like proper adults should be--and we were living like recent college graduates.
Every time these life shifts happened on a different time table than everyone else, I was presented with a choice...be isolated or get out of my comfort zone. This was not easy for me, at all. Just saying. I can't tell you how many moms groups, church nights, community playgroups, and general local gatherings I entered into with butterflies in my stomach while I scanned the room for a place to connect. I have now lost track of how many times I have initiated, "Do you want to get together?" I made new friends and expanded my comfort zone. Good stuff. I also found out what it was like when people were not interested in taking "new friend" applications, or at least not mine. Life had set me into a different place. I felt (and sometimes still do) like the three quiet girls back in that old cafeteria, looking and hoping for a place to belong. I've also learned the power of initiating, taking awkward first steps, and inviting others into your home and life. Also good stuff, although not quite as fun as those who immediately want to enjoy life with you and share a good laugh while doing so.
I can say that over the years this was just one of the lessons God taught me through fertility issues about how to reach out to anyone, everyone, in all walks of life. About how to "cross the room" and engage people from different cultures and different lifestyles. I'm proud to say I count my good friends as being many years younger and many years older. We live in tiny apartments, huge houses, and those homes all sizes in-between. I have friends who cannot stand exercise and crafting, although I love both. I enjoy friends who share my faith and those who do not. We focus on the things we love and respect the differences between us. I am keenly aware of how much I learn from these relationships, even the ones that aren't always easy. So thankful to get out of the comfort zone and trek into the unknown.
Linking this story here.
Friday, November 9, 2012
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Pinterest, can't get enough of you baby!
For many years, I was an email-only chick, through and through. I hesitate to even say when I FINALLY started texting, but I can assure you that it was long after the rest of the world. After I tentatively started texting, my next move on the social media front was to sign up for Facebook. I was pregnant and fighting morning sickness 24/7, so it gave me a somewhat entertaining option that could meet the requirements of staying horizontal on the couch while keeping my mind distracted from the ever-present nausea. Catching up on the latest adorable pictures of the kids, the recent vacation, the family visit, crazy wedding receptions, the incredible night out with friends. Does anyone besides me ever feel like I'm comparing the most boring parts of my life with the most exciting parts of everyone else's life on Facebook? For a few reasons, I decided to take a step back for a while and then re-enter Facebook World more cautiously, including a tighter circle of people and limiting my use so that I still emerge from the office "cave" to interact with the rest of life.
Then, along came an invitation to Pinterest. A relative who knew of my constant craving for crafting (nice alliteration, thank you) mentioned that I might want to investigate. Still being wary of Facebook re-entry, I opted for a Twitter account to access Pinterest. I will be honest and admit that I'm not exactly swept away in the Twitter craze at the moment. I'm not married to a Blackberry (I don't even own one!), and I don't feel overly compelled to know every move that is made by people I follow. I'm a lazy Twitter user, the one who gets annoying messages like "We've missed you on Twitter!" cluttering my inbox. Nonetheless, it seemed like less work than Facebook so I signed up and connected to Pinterest.
Sigh. Ahhhh. Oh, Pinterest, I am drawn to you the way I'm drawn to great design blogs. I can go on and on. I confess that there have been a couple of afternoon nap times that were spent getting completely lost in my vision boards or simply surfing the scenery. Tasks that were meant to be accomplished during nap...oops. Later.
I am continually boggled by how much creativity is out there! Amazing. I'll never be able to actually finish all the ideas I see displayed, but it's fun to dream about some and try a few.
I'm here at Pinterest.
Then, along came an invitation to Pinterest. A relative who knew of my constant craving for crafting (nice alliteration, thank you) mentioned that I might want to investigate. Still being wary of Facebook re-entry, I opted for a Twitter account to access Pinterest. I will be honest and admit that I'm not exactly swept away in the Twitter craze at the moment. I'm not married to a Blackberry (I don't even own one!), and I don't feel overly compelled to know every move that is made by people I follow. I'm a lazy Twitter user, the one who gets annoying messages like "We've missed you on Twitter!" cluttering my inbox. Nonetheless, it seemed like less work than Facebook so I signed up and connected to Pinterest.
Sigh. Ahhhh. Oh, Pinterest, I am drawn to you the way I'm drawn to great design blogs. I can go on and on. I confess that there have been a couple of afternoon nap times that were spent getting completely lost in my vision boards or simply surfing the scenery. Tasks that were meant to be accomplished during nap...oops. Later.
I am continually boggled by how much creativity is out there! Amazing. I'll never be able to actually finish all the ideas I see displayed, but it's fun to dream about some and try a few.
I'm here at Pinterest.
Start Where You Are
I have heard this statement multiple times, most recently on one of my regular reads, here. It bears repeating, however, and it has encouraged me to do just that...get my rump in gear and start right from here.
I was just rereading my blog...June 2011 since my last post. A busy year, mostly devoted to my son and working on some things in our own lives. But I've got the itch to blog again, start checking in here and there and writing about life.
So here we go...
I was just rereading my blog...June 2011 since my last post. A busy year, mostly devoted to my son and working on some things in our own lives. But I've got the itch to blog again, start checking in here and there and writing about life.
So here we go...
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Tweaking the Apartment
I'll always be trying something new!
I love blues and greens. No matter what I do in my homes, I'll always incorporate different shades of those two basic colors in at least some of the rooms. I typically lean towards lighter, softer shades of blue. However, recently I have been interested in bringing some stronger color touches into the room.
Before, our large sofa area looked like this.
I still like this a lot, but since the spring I've wanted to bring in more blues with the summer season. There are a couple of different pillows in the room--I love the stronger blue lines around the border. It's a little more geometric in design than I typically use.
I changed out the large black Ikea frame from a vintage bird poster to these Natural History vintage shell printouts (Graphics Fairy blog). I painted some cardboard roughly for an edge and used Mod Podge to adhere four printouts to the center of the cardboard. I love the colors and the way it turned out overall.
Our TV stand used to look like this.
You can't tell from the above photo, but there is an open back under the top surface which allows a few cords to be visible. This always drove me nuts! So I did a new version, shown below.
The back is now finished with a cardboard shape I cut out to fit the space and covered with sale fabric. No more cords, and I like the beach vintage vibe of the fabric! You can also see that I tried to create a grouping of pictures. I've always loved that look but have never really done a random group of frames and photos. Some of the frames display printouts are from the Graphics Fairy blog. GREAT resource!
The bottom piece is a ceiling medallion from Home Depot. I made a background with a botanical print from Graphics Fairy and put a picture of my dad and my son in the middle. I am going to experiment more with different ways to use the ceiling medallions in the future, next time using paint to accentuate the designs around the border.
Our living and dining rooms are connected by a wide doorway with a nice flow. I don't like too many things out in both rooms, it makes me feel overwhelmed. It takes away from the beauty of a few items when there are so many to look at all at once. So I removed some items from the dining room to keep it simple.
In the photo below, I covered a piece of cardboard with a burlap remnant I found and used upholstery tacks I had left over from another project to update our dining room photo board. I used a couple of black and white photos my son and I took recently for Father's Day. I slipped it inside a garage sale frame that I got for about 50 cents and had already painted earlier. The burlap coordinates with the khaki sofa fabric from the living room.
A few tweaks and a few dollars and we're soaking in the beach vintage vibe I enjoy so much. My taste is still evolving and I can't change everything at once, but it's a lot of fun to experiment! Now...the craft projects and tweaking MUST be done as we have guests coming this weekend to stay for a week. The fun part of preparations is done and the grunt work begins...CLEANING. I have a wonderful friend who is going to take my son for a day while I do my best to get our apartment ready for nine people to live together. Whew.
I love blues and greens. No matter what I do in my homes, I'll always incorporate different shades of those two basic colors in at least some of the rooms. I typically lean towards lighter, softer shades of blue. However, recently I have been interested in bringing some stronger color touches into the room.
Before, our large sofa area looked like this.
I still like this a lot, but since the spring I've wanted to bring in more blues with the summer season. There are a couple of different pillows in the room--I love the stronger blue lines around the border. It's a little more geometric in design than I typically use.
I changed out the large black Ikea frame from a vintage bird poster to these Natural History vintage shell printouts (Graphics Fairy blog). I painted some cardboard roughly for an edge and used Mod Podge to adhere four printouts to the center of the cardboard. I love the colors and the way it turned out overall.
Our TV stand used to look like this.
You can't tell from the above photo, but there is an open back under the top surface which allows a few cords to be visible. This always drove me nuts! So I did a new version, shown below.
The back is now finished with a cardboard shape I cut out to fit the space and covered with sale fabric. No more cords, and I like the beach vintage vibe of the fabric! You can also see that I tried to create a grouping of pictures. I've always loved that look but have never really done a random group of frames and photos. Some of the frames display printouts are from the Graphics Fairy blog. GREAT resource!
The bottom piece is a ceiling medallion from Home Depot. I made a background with a botanical print from Graphics Fairy and put a picture of my dad and my son in the middle. I am going to experiment more with different ways to use the ceiling medallions in the future, next time using paint to accentuate the designs around the border.
Our living and dining rooms are connected by a wide doorway with a nice flow. I don't like too many things out in both rooms, it makes me feel overwhelmed. It takes away from the beauty of a few items when there are so many to look at all at once. So I removed some items from the dining room to keep it simple.
In the photo below, I covered a piece of cardboard with a burlap remnant I found and used upholstery tacks I had left over from another project to update our dining room photo board. I used a couple of black and white photos my son and I took recently for Father's Day. I slipped it inside a garage sale frame that I got for about 50 cents and had already painted earlier. The burlap coordinates with the khaki sofa fabric from the living room.
A few tweaks and a few dollars and we're soaking in the beach vintage vibe I enjoy so much. My taste is still evolving and I can't change everything at once, but it's a lot of fun to experiment! Now...the craft projects and tweaking MUST be done as we have guests coming this weekend to stay for a week. The fun part of preparations is done and the grunt work begins...CLEANING. I have a wonderful friend who is going to take my son for a day while I do my best to get our apartment ready for nine people to live together. Whew.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Cruisin' thru June
Summertime...and the livin' is easy.
Fish are jumpin'
and the cotton is high.
George Gershwin's tune was one of my favorite songs in college when I was working with a voice teacher. The melody perfectly complements the lyrics, in my opinion. It feels a little lazy, a little slow, and invites you to let out a long exhale, lean back in your chaise lounge, and sip cool lemonade.
June has started off with some changes, a trip to TN, a new class, and some new summer goals for me. This past week we went to Tennessee to visit family and attend a wedding of friends. The wedding--although brutally hot--was a beautiful traditional Tennessee affair. The wedding was outdoors by a wonderfully aged barn. The women had gorgeous dresses paired with flip-flops! We strolled across the lawn to the tent with ice-cold drinks and a BBQ feast. As the evening wore on, the patio turned into a dance floor, the strung lights swaying back and forth with the hum of celebration. My son had a fantastic time visiting family. He had the absolute luxury of running outside to a huge lawn every morning, (swim trunks on right away), and played in the wading pool every possible minute. He loved it!
We've got some personal changes as a family to address. As I learn to adjust to the challenges, I'm looking for ways to maintain peace in my heart and patience with the situation. I created a sanctuary spot for myself, where I keep important tasks at my fingertips, quotes and encouraging scripture or passages, journals, and a few items that help me take a deep breath when I'm feeling frustrated. The peonies from the farmer's market are wonderful!
I'm reading The Happiness Project. It's an interesting approach to creating a more peaceful, positive attitude in your life. While I know my true source of joy is from Christ, I must admit I do think the same way as the author, Gretchen Rubin. I'm inspired to try making some more intentional choices about my attitude and how I spend my time.
Many months ago, back when winter was still blowing with its full force in January, I started an online class called Soul Restoration through Brave Girls Club. I'm beginning the second class in the series and it will be fun to see what great projects and instruction we get this time around!
This week I'm heading to the local running store to pick up my Mother's Day gift...new running shoes! Running is so peaceful for me. It's particularly beneficial to de-stress when facing some of the personal changes in our family I mentioned above. I put these on...
for a refreshing, invigorating boost. Trekkin' on and lovin' it.
Fish are jumpin'
and the cotton is high.
George Gershwin's tune was one of my favorite songs in college when I was working with a voice teacher. The melody perfectly complements the lyrics, in my opinion. It feels a little lazy, a little slow, and invites you to let out a long exhale, lean back in your chaise lounge, and sip cool lemonade.
June has started off with some changes, a trip to TN, a new class, and some new summer goals for me. This past week we went to Tennessee to visit family and attend a wedding of friends. The wedding--although brutally hot--was a beautiful traditional Tennessee affair. The wedding was outdoors by a wonderfully aged barn. The women had gorgeous dresses paired with flip-flops! We strolled across the lawn to the tent with ice-cold drinks and a BBQ feast. As the evening wore on, the patio turned into a dance floor, the strung lights swaying back and forth with the hum of celebration. My son had a fantastic time visiting family. He had the absolute luxury of running outside to a huge lawn every morning, (swim trunks on right away), and played in the wading pool every possible minute. He loved it!
We've got some personal changes as a family to address. As I learn to adjust to the challenges, I'm looking for ways to maintain peace in my heart and patience with the situation. I created a sanctuary spot for myself, where I keep important tasks at my fingertips, quotes and encouraging scripture or passages, journals, and a few items that help me take a deep breath when I'm feeling frustrated. The peonies from the farmer's market are wonderful!
I'm reading The Happiness Project. It's an interesting approach to creating a more peaceful, positive attitude in your life. While I know my true source of joy is from Christ, I must admit I do think the same way as the author, Gretchen Rubin. I'm inspired to try making some more intentional choices about my attitude and how I spend my time.
Many months ago, back when winter was still blowing with its full force in January, I started an online class called Soul Restoration through Brave Girls Club. I'm beginning the second class in the series and it will be fun to see what great projects and instruction we get this time around!
This week I'm heading to the local running store to pick up my Mother's Day gift...new running shoes! Running is so peaceful for me. It's particularly beneficial to de-stress when facing some of the personal changes in our family I mentioned above. I put these on...
grab this...
and head out here...
Monday, May 23, 2011
A New Decade
 |
| Photo from thetwistedsifter.com |
I'm not the kind of person who anticipates a big party with lots of hoopla. I tend to feel self-conscious and instead of enjoying a large celebration I squirm and fidget inwardly, eager to escape out of the spotlight. When I was a child, my well-intentioned father always brought out the servers performing the big song and dance with everyone in the restaurant turning to watch. Ugh!! It was dreadful for someone like me.
I have made this very clear to my husband over the years so he honored my wishes and took me out for a date night to my favorite restaurant in Chicago, Frontera Grill,
 |
| Photo by Chicago Tribune |
He also presented me with tickets to one of our absolute favorites--U2!
 |
| Photo from U2.com |
Not surprisingly, as I enter a new decade I have been asked by a few people about the topic of being in my 40's. Does it bother me? Do I think about the number?
My honest answer is no! I truly don't devote much time to thinking about the number of my age. If I'm going to reflect, it's usually in the context of seeing where God has led me--the extreme ups and downs and everything in between. I think about where I've come from, what I've learned, and what I'm still striving to do with the life I've been granted. As I mature, I notice the inevitable life changes that come along with increasing years. I can't easily bounce back into shape like I did 15+ years ago, I'm realizing that no amount of moisturizer is going to stop the crows feet from multiplying around my eyes when I smile, gray is creeping into my hair, people gently refer to me as an "older" new mom, and it is not likely that I will be having more children at this juncture of my life. So...that's reality. Here is more reality: I have a relationship with God that never existed this way in years prior, I have a wonderful husband and an adorable son, I have an opportunity to spend extra time home with my son, I have supportive friends in my corner, I get to live right across the street from the beach and a great lakefront path which we use extensively, I go to a church I'm blessed to be part of, and I have the chance to continue my education and keep growing in so many ways.
I was thinking about what I might like to do in the next ten years...possibly...
- Finish my Masters degree
- Work on a second language
- Do more skiing
- Find a niche with serving
- Take a missions trip with my husband--and possibly my son
- Join a cooking club
- Run another marathon
- Grow in my own identity and build confidence in who God has created me to be
- Travel to more national parks
- Learn to sew
- Find more ways to reach out to others
- Plant a garden
My biggest thought about being 40 is that I am GRATEFUL.
Grateful.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
A Trio of Projects
As my husband knows well, I cannot go very long without finding a new project to work on. This past weekend I had to go to a location of the IL Secretary of State to renew my drivers license. Unfortunately my notification got stalled at the bottom of a pile and I missed the time frame to do it online--darn. My Mr. graciously called and offered me the free ticket to stay out and enjoy myself for a while after I finished the lovely waiting line and beautiful new license picture. When I told him I'd like to go to the fabric store, he was concerned that I was "running errands" and not doing something fun for me. Ha! Can you believe that?
So...the first of my trio starts back with our January trip to Florida.
I guess sometimes I'm just a grown-up kid because I still love to collect shells. After scrambling all over the beach while my dad entertained my son by the waves, I brought my goods home to IL. I used them to make the wreath to remember my little guy's first big vacation/beach trip. I bleached the shells, broken sand dollars, and other interesting beach pieces because...WOW! What a smell. Then they were stored for several months while I got sidetracked with other projects. Recently I picked up a styrofoam disc for a couple of dollars and used a straight edge to cut out the middle for a wreath shape. I used my hot glue gun to adhere the collection to the shape base and wrapped an old piece of linen fabric around the wreath to hang it up.
I started wrapping the jute around the base of the container, using Mod Podge and a foam brush.
As the shape of the container began to change, I switched to the hot glue gun since I needed the extra hold around those tricky curves. I continued wrapping and gluing all the way to the top.
to a more clean, simple background. I removed the stapes and fabric from the canvas and stretched out the new white fabric across the frame. When the new fabric was stapled to the canvas frame, I pressed in upholstery tacks to the canvas around the border. I changed out some of the decor for summer as well.
I find myself shifting with the seasons and craving new colors as each season rolls around. However, I want to be careful not to be too caught up in the acquisition of stuff just to satisfy my desire for new eye candy at home. In order to be wise with what we've been given, I do a lot of recycling with old materials and items. I like to shift the decor around from room to room, rearrange vignettes, purchase a new piece of fabric on sale for a few dollars, use my craft supplies to make something new, or hit up a flea market or thrift shop with a bargain or two to bring home. I'm striving to be more careful about purchases in general, and to donate items we will not be using any longer.
I'm a woman who loves color, style, and design. I'm not proud of this, but it can be particularly hard for me to exercise restraint with both clothes and home decor. This past year the word "discipline" has popped up for me quite frequently so I've been challenged in this area. I don't believe that means I should never buy anything or never spend any time working on my home, but I am learning to live more creatively and carefully with the blessings God has provided for us.
She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Proverbs 31:27
So...the first of my trio starts back with our January trip to Florida.
I guess sometimes I'm just a grown-up kid because I still love to collect shells. After scrambling all over the beach while my dad entertained my son by the waves, I brought my goods home to IL. I used them to make the wreath to remember my little guy's first big vacation/beach trip. I bleached the shells, broken sand dollars, and other interesting beach pieces because...WOW! What a smell. Then they were stored for several months while I got sidetracked with other projects. Recently I picked up a styrofoam disc for a couple of dollars and used a straight edge to cut out the middle for a wreath shape. I used my hot glue gun to adhere the collection to the shape base and wrapped an old piece of linen fabric around the wreath to hang it up.
Earlier this month, I made the jute "vase" you see in the above photo. I wanted something to pull in the color of our couches on that wall, but also maintain a vintage beach cottage style as well. So I started with the orange juice container we had just finished, some jute rope, Mod Podge, a foam brush, hot glue sticks and the glue gun, and a straight edge.
I started wrapping the jute around the base of the container, using Mod Podge and a foam brush.
As the shape of the container began to change, I switched to the hot glue gun since I needed the extra hold around those tricky curves. I continued wrapping and gluing all the way to the top.
I also changed my dining room board from the farmhouse toile below
to a more clean, simple background. I removed the stapes and fabric from the canvas and stretched out the new white fabric across the frame. When the new fabric was stapled to the canvas frame, I pressed in upholstery tacks to the canvas around the border. I changed out some of the decor for summer as well.
I'm a woman who loves color, style, and design. I'm not proud of this, but it can be particularly hard for me to exercise restraint with both clothes and home decor. This past year the word "discipline" has popped up for me quite frequently so I've been challenged in this area. I don't believe that means I should never buy anything or never spend any time working on my home, but I am learning to live more creatively and carefully with the blessings God has provided for us.
She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Proverbs 31:27
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